I Am Not My Anxiety

In honor of fall. In honor of, "it's been awhile Blogger.com". In honor of getting asked a thousand times over tomorrow night, "What Are You Working On".

This month marks my one-year of doing therapy at MLC Wellness Center and I am very proud and grateful that I was able to begin that work for myself last year. I am personally invested in sharing my experience and being transparent about being an artist, living with anxiety, and relating to people like me who have setbacks in their careers.

Anxiety has kept me away from this blog, as well as threw my otherwise perfectly restful day for a whirlwind this afternoon. I still have a lot of work ahead of me. But despite my minor setbacks today, in general I am very proud of myself for the last two weeks. I've really stepped up and have gone out to some EPA's, submitted a bunch, and am navigating freelancing quite adequately.  I have some ideas for some upcoming pieces in the weeks to come, so please check back soon.

For now, a rare opportunity to share with you a poem I started several months ago, and fell back into today. Be kind to me. I am no poet. Just an emotionally anxious soul with a lot to say.

Cheers,

Francesca

I refuse to be ashamed.

I want to say, No. I am not my anxiety. 

But I am surrounded. 

Feelings, thoughts, what ifs, why nots, how comes.

They are endless. 

I dream of success.

Not like everyone else (but exactly like everyone else).

Failure consumes me.

I could absolutely, positively, most definitely never 

Make it.

I never really feel better.

I want to say, I am growing.
But days like today tell me I am not.

I am measured by time, action, emotion, people -

On Facebook,
In waiting rooms, mirrors,
At parties,
and to anyone and everyone that has something good to say about themselves.

I am not my Anxiety.

But I will never deny that it is there.
I will claim it now even if I don't believe it,
so that one day I can wear it like a badge across my chest.
Brave, irrevocable, perhaps even proudly.